Beach party dream

Yesterday I had a brilliant idea; on saturday, before going out to the bar, you could do something new and have a beach-preparty instead of sitting in some stuffy apartment. You could hang out, knock back a few beers or whatever is the poison of your choice, maybe someone could bring a guitar (who might that be?) and play a few tunes. You could tell everyone to bring something to eat..You know, like those weird snack parties you had when you were a kid where everyone would bring something and then you’d lay it out on a table and everyone got a few bits and pieces of everything.

It wouldn’t have to be very expensive or complicated either. A bag of chips, maybe some cookies or something, some beer...heck, stop by an R-kiosk on the way and get something. Maybe even someone could bring a family sized pizza.

Then if it got cold/dark the gang could just go to Strampen and sit there for a while and have a few more beers before heading out to the bars. Hell, maybe even the beach party would be so much fun that no one would leave, everyone would just hang out until dawn.

So I actually made a half assed attempt at getting it going. I sent out a few sms’s to some of my friends. Martin was the only one who replied favourably. Jens thought it was a very good idea but he said that he’d spend his time at his summer cottage while the weather is warm. Thing is, it’s pretty hard to get a beach party going when the weather is crappy.

Every now and then I get this crazy notion that it would be real fun to arrange some kind of party and have tons of people over...like the beach party idea. But then I remember just how inept our group is to throw a party. Our ”parties” usually go down like this:

We decide to have a party, *maybe* invite a few people, no one arranges anything, the night comes and no one shows up. If we’re lucky one or two of our relatives show...like last christmas when we actually had invited 20+ to a christmas bash and not one fucker showed up. By then I just faced the facts; we suck at parties. Still, it is really something I’d like to be able to pull off one day.

A beach party is extremely tricky though since it’s highly dependent on the weather. For it to work it has to be sunny and fairly warm. I estimate a night time temperature at around 18 degrees celsius, no wind either. Then of course, like as if it’s not difficult enough, you’d have to get a bunch of people there, preferably some that are not completely boring, just sitting around waiting for something to happen.

There should be a fair division of men and women, and at least a handful of singles in each group so there is at least hope of someone hooking up...or something. Problem is, pretty much all women I know are chicks I’ve hit on at one time or another. To get six or seven of those on the same beach could be a bit embarrassing.

I think that is pretty much the problem with our parties; we don’t know people. We hang out with the same group every single time we are out. Not that there is anything wrong with our friends but we *are* limiting ourselves somewhat in this regard. Therefore we pretty much have to rely on friends of friends to get people there, something that pretty much never secceeds.

I wonder if there is some sort of equation to figure out how many you’d have to invite to get around 20 people who actually show up. Considering that when we invited 25 and two people actualy showed up that would mean I’d have to invite...250 people. How the flying fuck is that going to happen?? Where do I find 250 people? And how do I get a 50-50 split between sexes...or at least close to that?

P.SOur porn-and-hotdog parties have been successful though...pretty much because they only involved a couple of guys sitting around watching porn and eating hot dogs. Since we didn’t expect anything else it became a highly successful event.

"I want to play a game"

I’m not a big fan of horror movies. It probably harks back to when I was a kid and we watched Dracula. I only remember that I got scared shitless and couldn’t sleep for a week. Or it could be because of that Christmas calender show where this one story was about a monster in a frozen lake or something. Or it could be because of that Poseidon’s adventures show that had that big scary oak door in the beginning. What can I say, I’m a pussy when it comes to those things.

However, I had heard so much about the Saw movies I just had to watch them. At first I thought I’d relive my childhood and piss in my pants from fear or something...but I didn’t. In fact, I wouldn’t even classify Saw or Saw2 as horror movies. Yeah, sure there are elements that are gross, disturbing and outright insane but for some reason they are not really that scary. I’d be more inclined to call it a psychological thriller or something...maybe a pathological thriller.

I am no fan of horror and scary shit but I am a fan of intelligence and even somewhat a fan of manipulation to get the desired results. (WARNING – I tried to write the next section without spolers but there MAY be a few things in there that could be regarded as such. If you are planning on watching them I will just say-get both)

The murderer (he isn’t really a murderer since he never kills anyone but rather forces them to make a choice that often results in some kind of bloodshed) in the movies is extremely intelligent and a master of manipulation. What fascinates me is the planning that would have to go into making the kind of situations presented work and the vast amount of knowledge of not only a technical nature but also about human nature and psychology required.

Both Saw movies follow a similar pattern and if you pay enough attention you will be able to figure out what will go down. In both of the movies the finale rolls up at breakneck speed. It is as if you would open up a jigsaw puzzle box, turn it upside down and all the pieces would fall into place. Within a few seconds it all becomes so clear.

I wouldn’t say I could predict the ending of either one, even though the first movie was a bit more overt and a bit too obvious. The ending of the second one though was in my opinion absolutely brilliant. There is a single sentence hidden at one point in a line someone says that is the key to the whole thing and I bet my left nut that no one will ”hear” it. Then of course there is somewhat of a twist as well.

If you are planning on renting one I suggest you make a night of it and get both because the first one will leave you wanting more.

I wonder if my brother could figure out the clues in the movies...he’s quite smart so if anyone could do it it would be him...then again I’m not sure it’s his cup of tea.

I also started thinking that even if you think the murderer in the movies is crazy he is only a character. The people actually sitting down and writing this stuff must be severly fucked up or something to be able to work this out.

Finally a bit of a prediction.I predict that there will be a Saw 3 within a year or two because both of the movies are very open ended. I also predict that the third one will be absolute shait ’cause I can’t see them topping the second one.

The Move-scam

Today I am pissed off.
A few days ago I get a call from a chick I met at Fontana. She says she has got a very interesting business proposition for me. My mind immediately registered it as :”So, you want to be suckered into a get-rich-quick-multi-level-marketing-scheme?” However, I agreed to meet her for a coffee and so today we did. She didn’t have the guts or the knowledge to do it herself so she brought along a hired gun; some guy who did all the talking.

Rewind tape a few days.
A talk to yet another chick who I met at another bar. She immediately says: ”oh, that Move thing” when I mention it. I take a note of the name and later do an internet search. The first freakin’ link that comes up mentions that the company is currently under investigation and is due in court for (Finnish terms ahead BEWARE)
1 rahankeräysrikos
2 markkinointirikos
3 rekisterimerkintärikos

Remember that was the FIRST link. Then there were a bunch of lengthy explanations basically saying that it was a bunch of BS. The program is based on multiple levels of members so the network will grow exponentially. After only 23 levels there will be more members than the population of Finland. Any idiot is able to see that such an idea cannot work.

Anyway, needless to say I had done my homework so I came into the meeting prepared and ready to spew venom. When I saw the Move logo on the folder the guy had I almost got a boner. This would be fun.

He started out by asking if I had done any shopping on the internet and how I’d like it if I got paid to do it. I immediately explained that I had bought exactly two cd’s over the internet in the past year for a total of 18 euros and asked him what you can get for 18 euros. After a while of me breaking down his ”oh internet shopping is so great it’s the future I tell you” speach I then brought out the big guns.

”I see it says Move there on your folder. That wouldn’t happen to be Move Networks Oy would it?” I asked. I noticed he was a bit shaken by my question. I doubt he had foreseen that some sucker would actually be able to do research before coming to one of his propaganda speeches.

I then asked him how the case against them was going. According to him: ”it’s under control” and that it ”has no effect on HIS organisation”. The sources on the net indicate otherwise. (Finnish ahead, take a deep breath…it’s a long one).

” Jos yhtiö tuomitaan rahankeräysrikoksesta, niin ”peliin” osallistuneet voidaan tuomita menettämään palkkiot valtiI olle. Lisäksi tulee sakkoja ja eniten tienanneille ehdollista vankeutta maksimissa kaksi vuotta”.

(English explanation ahead, relax now) If the company is convicted, those who have partaken in the ”game” can lose their winnings to the government. Those who have profitted the most will be fined and face possible jail time with a maximum sentence of two years in jail. And I am supposed to lay my trust in the words of some poor schmuck who according to himself had lost money on the last scheme he was involved with ’cause he says ”it’s under control”. Gee wizz, that sure sounds like a golly good deal to me. Where do I sign?

His explanation for the things I found?
”Yeah sure, but you can find shit on practically every company out there”…”practically every company has been sued”. Okay then, I guess if you say so then it must be okay then.

What about the fact that 98% of participants drop out within a year? ”No that’s not correct, according to my statistics (which comprised of 80 participants over a full year…wow…that must be more reliable than official studies with THOUSANDS of participants over several years) only 20% drop out”.

But you know what really eats me about this? The chick who contacted me. I honestly believed she was smarter than to fall for something like this. She said she wanted leadership training, I asked her why she didn’t just join the army. If you are looking for leadership training is THE place to get it. It will also look very good on your resume. FUCK! Is she really that god damned stupid?!

FUCK! What is her brain made of clay?! Was she born that dumb or did she have to take lessons?

So if you get a call from someone you barely know who wants you to discuss an interesting business deal it will most likely be about Move. If anyone does contact you I suggest you take a look at this site before you go to the meeting.

http://www.kolumbus.fi/petteri.haipola/verkostomarkkinointi/tyypillinen/index.htm

But if you got a hard on for being suckered into get rich quick schemes and lose a bunch of money- go right ahead. Hell, I’ll even volunteer to videotape the carnage and jack off to it later.

Dillusions av grandeour

It has now been six days since the pictures of me first appeared on the internet. Naturally I have been checking up on the site and keeping track of how many hits the pics get. Currently I have between 64 and 98 hits, with 64 being the least popular one. The average is 13.4 hits per day. I’ve got a long way to go if I want to beat the most popular girl there (YES it IS a competition…isn’t it?) who has about 25 hits per day.

Yesterday when walking home from work I started thinking; who are all these people looking at those pictures? So I started calculating. I have clicked on them once except for one, which I clicked twice on because I downloaded it and used the picture to make an ID-badge. Then we have some friends and family, which makes for another five. Then I know a few chicks I have at one time or another hit on that have seen them as well. I estimate the total amount of people I know to be about 10-15. That still leaves 83-88 people I don’t know.

It is most likely that not all of them are women. Some of them are probably gay guys jackin’ it while thinking about me spanking them with a paddle. They say that 5-10% of all people are gay. I know for a fact that there are at least 660 people who know of the site since that is the highest amount of hits on a picture there. So let’s assume 5% of those are gay. That totals 33 fudge packers or carpet munchers. Subtract that from 83 and you have 50 left.

Now, there are probably a couple of straight guys who have looked at the pics as well (martin and jacke excluded since they are family). Hell, maybe even a few closet fags…but are those included in the 33 gays I already estimated? Hmm…Anyway…Let’s say that’s another 10, which leaves me with 40 hits that probably represent women. Who are all these chicks…and more importantly; are they attractive?

I once calculated that I find about 13% of women attractive. It does sound a bit low but I remember that I only counted chicks that I didn’t have to ”evaluate” or take a second look at to be sure. So I will use that number and come up with ….5.2 women. There are 5.2 attractive chicks I do not know out there who are looking at my porno-pics on the internet. If I assume that half of those already have boyfriends that still leaves 2.6 chicks.
I have already figured out what to say if thsoe 2.6 chicks come up to me in a bar and say: ”hey, you are that guy from the interweb”. I will reply: ”Yes, that is me…do you want me to autograph your internet?”. It would be funny if someone actually recognised me and came up to me…so I could use that line. It would be hilarious…and probably make her think I’m silly.

Juhannus-weekend

I went to the gym early on friday...well, early for me anyway..it was about 11 AM. I had to go shopping for the "party" later. We were going to my friend ove's chick's summer cottage.
Me and martin met up later in the afternoon and drove over there. The others had been there for a day already but me and martin didn't really want to sit there for that long. Besides, I would have missed two workouts and in retrospect I am certainly glad I didn't because the party wasn't much to write home about.

Basically we sat around talking smack. Then we played pictionary and some strange game where you throw pieces of wood at other pieces of wood and score points accordingly.

Previously I have been under the impression that ove's girlfriend doesn't really like us but after this weekend I just figure she isn't that social. She was extremely quiet the whole time. When she said something it was in a very low voice and most of it was directed at ove. Then again, it could also be that she can't really keep up with our bathroom humour and sex talk. For instance, me and martin were discussing whether or not a certain carrot was thicker than our penises or not. For the record I maintained that my penis was bigger than the carrot. Martin was not as sure about it until we did the "toilet roll test".

In the toilet roll test you stick the object into a roll of toilet paper. Since most guys have tried sticking their weiners into one of those you can thereby determine whether the girth of the object is greater, smaller or about equal in size to your member. As the carrot slid in pretty easily and fit snuggly we concluded that it was in fact smaller than our wangs...at least mine.
Oh, and those who say they haven't tried sticking their schlong in one of those-are lying!

Then we ate some grilled meat, sausage and stuff, some had a few beers and then we went to bed. In the morning we packed up and left. It was really nothing we couldn't have done right in there in vasa.

On saturday me and martin headed out to Sandö to check out the inofficial riehaan-meeting. There were a handful of people scattered over the island. There wasn't really anything going on so we sat in the sun for a while and then headed over to the boardwalk.

There we met C, A-Sof and Zabbe so we joined them and had some crackers and snacks before we all headed over to Oliver's Inn. Not a lot of people there but not completely empty either. At about 1:30 me and martin headed over to Superstereo but when we got in the door we saw that the place was empty so we decided to head over to Fontana instead. We talked to the doorman who said that there were about 200 people there so we decided to go inside after having a smoke...well, martin had a smoke while I was swatting away mosquitoes.

It was surprisingly many people there. The whole place wasn't open but it was still a bit more than last weekend. BUT there were still a lot of dudes there and not enough women. Something has definately happened to Fontana because the place is dying and if they don't do something fast to resurrect it...huh huh...I said "erect"...huh huh...

Well, anyhoo, as the last dance played we headed home. I watched mtv's dismissed for a while, ate eggs and went to sleep. An okay weekend, nothing spectacular but could have been a helluvalot better.

Random thursday ramblings

My new hobby is listening in on my neighbours’ conversations. Actually, the only thing I do is *stay* on my balcony when they come out on theirs. Sometimes I only have my balcony door open and that’s enough to hear them so it is not like I’m holding a glass up against the wall and actually trying to listen (although I did that once too when some other neighbours were having sex).

Anyway, right now the neighbour girl is having boy problems, or should I say man problems, ’cause she’s a grown ass girl, probably a couple of years over 30. Turns out she’s been seeing this guy off and on for three years. Lately he has been acting a bit flakey and cancelling dates or something like that. She had invited him over for cake to celebrate...whatever...and fifteen minutes later he calls and cancels. Okay so right now you’re probably thinking ”the guy is an a-hole”, which is probably true but the fact remains that she has been beating this dead horse for 3+ years.

And you know what the real kicker is? After the lengthy explanation to her mother she says ”we’ll wait and see” (that is a quote..albeit translated). At that point I wanted toyell out: ”Bitch, you’ve been waiting and seeing for three fuckin’ years! Borrow some money and buy a freakin’ clue already!”.

The other thing that really rubbed me the wrong way was her saying that he ”should be toasting in champagne” for having the oportunity to get her and how it is strange that men ”can’t appreciate a good thing”. Okay I don’t know her that well but it seems to me that she does have the attitude that she is the best thing since sliced bread and that a guy should be lucky to have her.

Well, has it ever occurred to her that maybe, just maybe, she is NOT all that great? Maybe guys thinks it’s weird and a bit freaky that she still lives with her parents in a tiny apartment in shitsville (only kidding..all the cool people live there you know). Maybe guys pick up on her queen bitch attitude and get turned off by it.
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I was in the gym yesterday and there were two foreigners there speaking some weird language. After a while I found myself actually getting annoyed at them. Why can’t they speak a proper language that I can understand? And why did that one dude have to wear so much cologne? It made me want to throw up.

Then I started thinking that their language didn’t sound like a language at all. I couldn’t figure out a single word in there. It was all jibberish to me. So I started thinking; there are hundreds of different languages in the world and a lot of them are just jibberish so statistically speaking, if you just blurt out sounds you are probably saying real words in some language. Shit, maybe you are even fluent in Monglodarabese and don’t even know it.

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I can report that there were no swarms of screaming fans outside my window this morning, nor were there any paparazzi following me to work. I’ll give it another week...the swarms of fans are obviously on holiday already.

Confession time and my strange tuesday.

I have a confession to make.
It is something terrible.
Yes.
I am a cheater.
Since the sun is very reluctant to come out and play I decided to cheat and get a tan the easy way; by spraying it on.

My sister introduced me to this procedure roughly a year ago when she worked at…a place that does does that…and other things like manicures and stuff. Anyway, last year I was only a test subject for a trainee to practice on so I got the whole thing for free. Unfortunately, that time the results were not that satisfactory.

It could of course been because of the technique or that they sprayed too much or something but the color seemed to come off amazingly easily, which is why I have been hesitant of doing it again. It could also have been because it was extremely hot and I was sweating in my sleep a lot. Either way the color came off and left fairly large areas ”blank”. It looked like I had some weird desease for a while.

That time the procedure took a whole hour because the instructor had to tell the trainee exactly what to do and why. This time though it was way faster, a total of 15 minutes and 32 euros less in my wallet later I walk out with a tan like…well, like I had tanned for a summer. Kick ASS! I woke up this morning and the sheets in my bed weren’t even brown. KICK ASS!

But I am not being completely truthful as to why I did it. It was not only because the sun hasn’t been shining…it has…albeit only for a few days. Let’s start from the beginning shall we.

On monday I went out and bought the gayest thing there is, besides a bj from a guy; a jar of body exfoliating cream. I had been advised to exfoliate before the tan so I did. And here is my second confession; I really liked it. My skin felt smooth like…something really smooth. I will use that again for sure.

I took tuesday off from work so I could get the spray tan. I had booked it already last week. The whole ”project” has been in the works for about two weeks (at this time I’m sure my sister is scratching her head, wondering what I have been up to).

Then I went home and watched tv for a few hours. I would have either tanned naturally or gone to the gym but then I would have gotten sweaty and ruined the tan so I just sat on my bed watching episodes of ”My fantastically fabulous sweet sixteen that my dad spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on” on MTV.

I did that until six o’clock and then headed out to a secret location…okay so it wasn’t secret, it was Sandö here in Vasa (that is Sand-Island to you English speaking guys…and for the Finnish ones- tough noogies, no translation for you).

You may remember that I posted a blog a few weeks ago about a web page that was looking for guys who would volunteer to pose for photos. You may also remember that I was thinking of doing it. I thought about it for a few days and thought ”why the hell not”. Well, about two weeks ago I had a meeting with the administrator of the site and discussed the thing further.

That is what I spent an hour or so on tuesday doing; posing for photos on the internet.
There were two main reasons that made me decide on doing it; one- for the chicks.
I had some strange idea that it *might* get me more chicks but in all honesty I doubt it since it is not in our (the Finnish people) nature to really come up to people like that. No, the other reason was more compelling; because no one else would do it.

I have a strange fascination with doing things no one else wants to do. Not weird or dangerous things (like in Jackass) but little, normal things that are just a bit out there. I am also striving to do these things as effortlessly as possible. To be brutally honest, I’m probably somewhat of an attention whore. Yes, I said it. I admit it, I cheat to get a tan and I am an attention whore…A whore and a cheat.

So aaaanyway, The address is www.xxxxxxx.nu
It is up to you to figure out what the x’s stand for. To do so you will have to solve this little …thing.

First letter: I have a cousin who lives in London. The third letter of her name (the first name…what we usually call her) is the first letter you need.
Second letter: Same name but the third letter from the end.
Third letter: Again, same cousin but the last letter in her first name
Fourth letter: She has a younger brother who recently (early may) got beaten up by a gang of thugs outside Strampen. The third letter in his name is your fourth ”magic letter”.
Fifth letter: The first letter in their last name.
Sixth letter: Same as fifth
Seventh letter: They have a brother who works with…how shall we put this?…He ”takes care of” animals. The last letter of his first name is the last letter you need.
You should now be able to navigate to the site in question. There is a link in the upper right corner that says: xxxxxxx.nu-girl (the x’s represent the same word you just figured out). Click on that. It should be easy from there.

Weekend

Okay so another weekend is behind us. Originally we had planned that we would go ot celebrating my friend Marcus' graduation but since he chose to rather sit at a summer cottage eating grilled sausage it was just me and martin yet again who were the only swinging dicks out in the field.

We decided that we would go to fontana first to verify that it is indeed dead, and it was. Very few people there and they hadn't even open the entire club. The old part was closed. Also there were a lot of weird Russian dudes there trying to pick up 18 year old Finnish chicks. That wouldn't have bothered me but they were all shitfaced and jumped around on the dance floor, bumping in to everyone and everything so that was bothersome.

At about 1:30 AM we concluded that the place was dead and we needed to cut our losses so we headed over to Royal Night, otherwise known as "the place were no horney chicks are". Right when we walked in we saw Martin's little sis. her boyfriend and his sister. Am not sure why they were out but they were so we talked to them for a while.

As usual at Royal, nothing really interesting happened. We danced some, got annoyed at guys for standing around instead of partying on the dance floor, looked at pretty women and went home to pet the snake.

An interesting note is that during the evening martin got a call from his little brother. Apparently he had been caught by the cops. Details are a bit sketchy but they had been drinking and driving their mopeds when the cops showed up someplace so everyone high-tailed it into the woods. Unfortunately, martin's brother wasn't fast enough so the cops caught up to him. But he was bright enough to give them some bs story about him running cause he didn't have a helmet so the cops didn't give him a breathalyzer test. I am not 100% sure about exactly what went down but the bottom line is that there were no consequences for him.

Anyway, busy week coming up. Let's hope it goes according to plan.

Ants in my pants

I've just spent an hour and a half tanning out on the lawn. I absolutely hate tanning. It is hot, you get sweaty and there is nothing to do but to stare at the inside of your eyelids. If you are lucky there won't be any insects trying to suck you dry of blood but later during the summer this becomes a real problem, which I why I prefer tanning in town on my balcony or at the beach.
Anyway when I was done I was going to put my pants on again (I wasn't naked..I had shorts on) and noticed that there were hundreds of little black ants all over my pants. Apparently we have a lot of ants in our lawn.

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I've had a dream with a reoccurring theme lately.
I want to do something and someone sets it up so I will be able to and then they demand sexual favours from me. Last night I dreamt I was in one of those Next top Model reality shows and some gay guy said he made sure I moved on to the next round. He then wanted me to lie next to him under a blanket and cuddle. I refused and thought he was weird. He got upset.

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It will be interesting to see what happens at midsummer next week. We have sort of planned we'd spend it at my mate Ove's girlfriend's summer cottage but nothing is decided definately so I suspect me and martin will have to go to Fontana and try to pick up the two chicks there.

Even if we do go it isn't a totally attractive alternative for me and martin. There are three couples and martin and me so we'll be the odd ones out there...and even though martin is a very good friend I refuse to make out with him...sorry bro.

Plus the plan was that we were going to go there on thursday but I really want to work out on thursday...and friday too...but I guess I could switch that around to saturday and sunday if I'm in a pinch. I still have two weeks left of the current cykle and haven't missed a wokout yet. I'll be damned if I have to miss a workout just to watch three couples be all cuddly-wuddly-boo-boo.

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Tonight I am going out to the bars again. I'm hoping that there will be a decent amount of people out but I am skeptical since there is a festival going on in...Seinäjoki...or wherever.

Random thursday ramblings

Tonight I had a strange dream. Well, actually it wasn’t all that strange. I dreamt that my sister and her boyfriend were getting engaged and were throwing this gigantic bash at his parents’ house. They were already planning the wedding and everything.

The weird part about it was that the best man was Zakk Wylde. For those of you who don’t know who that is I can tell you that he is the front man for Damage Plan and guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne. Because he was there there were a slew of other celebrities as well; Kelly Osbourne, Dimebag Darrell (late guitarist for Pantera) and two blond, enormous biker twins that apparently were very famous.

When we got there I naturally wanted to go inside but my sister’s boyfriend’s mother was cleaning the house and didn’t want to let anyone in. I finally squeezed through a crack and got in. My brother was already inside because he is much skinnier than I so he had gotten in with no trouble.

Then the mother noticed we were inside and made sure no one else got in by putting a bed infront of the door. She had also removed every single piece of furniture and was scrubbing the floor until you could literally see yourself in it.

Then all of a sudden I’m outside again talking to my sister who explains that when they first started seeing each other they had no plans of it getting serious since they had both pretty much decided to do other things in life before getting married. My sister was going to go abroad and work and her boyfriend was going to buy a motorcycle and focus on his gardening.

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I can report that I’ve changed moisturiser. I decided to try the new Nivea cooling and refreshing...or something. At first I was skeptical because ”cooling effect” usually means that there is alcohol in it, which dries out the skin. However, after using it for a few days I am sold. There is a noticable difference in my skin; it feels smoother and indeed refreshed. In fact, I had a bit left of my original moisturiser but since getting the new one I have stopped using it. The new one is a bit more expensive though.

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What is up with all the fake Louis Vuitton bags I’ve been spotting? It seems like the new ”in thing” is having a fake LV-bag. How do I know they are fake? Well, freakin’ fifteen year olds have them...to the beach! I’ve also spotted a few at the local clubs. In my opinion, no one in their right mind is going to shell out six G’s for a bag and then take it to the beach and have it sitting on the sand or taking it to a smokey club where someone can spill drinks on (or in) it.

Weekend report

The weekend was fantastic…well…it was fairly good.
I decided to start tanning on saturday since it was warm enough and I was free for once to do so. So I went outside with a blanket, pillow and a gun and laid down on the lawn. The blanket was so I had something soft to lie on and the pillow was so I could fall asleep easier since I hate tanning and sleeping makes the time go by faster.

We have been having problems with a stray cat chasing our cat and being a big meanie. We have been out chasing it around a few times and scaring the shit out of it when it has been in fights with our cat. I figured if I saw it I’d cap his ass.

Instedead of capping an ass I get a call from my parents. They just broke the key to the car and need me to drive over with a spare. No problem, except that they are 450 km away. My dad says that they will try to weld the thing but that I should prepare myself for a drive the next day. However, after an hour they call again saying that they’ve found a locksmith that made a copy of the key. I had already become annoyed at the prospect of driving for 10+ hours and missing the F1 race the next day so when I got the call it really made my weekend.

In the evening I go over to my sister’s and her boyfriend’s place to celebrate their moving in together. There was food, drinks and people I barely knew and some I knew well. The place had gotten a makeover. It looked like the Fab 5 had been there actually…except that there was no wide brown stripe on the wall…and I am not saying that they rub their asses on the wall when they are done.

After the party we went over to Royal Night. Me and Martin got there first to get first dibs on the ladies. We hung around talking about his little brother and how he seems to be more of a ladies man than we were at his age. Then we danced a bit, ordered some beverages, danced some more, went to the bathroom, all the usual stuff. Nothing really interesting happened in the way of women.

It is strange though because Royal Night has never been particularly kind to me in that regard. The only place that equals Royal Night’s suckiness is Oliver’s Inn but I chalk that up to me being greener than the Hulk in a bowl of peas when I frequented Oliver’s. One would think that I’d do better at Royal because I do fairly okay at other venues but there is something odd about it. Sort of like a hitter not being able to get a hit off a certain pitcher.

Well, anyway, after we were done at the bar we headed over to the new statue on the pedestrian street because Martin had yet to see it. Then we headed over to a street grill for some food…well, martin got food. Then there was nothing else to do but go by the hospital to check out another statue of a little girl bending over in a suggestive way (my interpretation) and go home and play with the pet snake.

This morning I found out that our friend macko had had a run in with the local whackjobs and had been beaten up in an alley on his way home. I have never been afraid to walk the streets at night but it does seem like it is getting more violent out there.

MILF-hunter

I had no intention whatsoever of going out last night. None, zip, zero, zilch, bubcus...but then just as I was leaving for the gym to do my leg workout (which was a real killer with squats sets of 8 at 150 kg) my friend macko calls me up and asks if I want to join him, his girlfriend and two of her friends who are visiting at a local bar. So I think ”what the hey”, let’s hang out a bit, I can ask jacke to tape my shows and get to bed at a reasonable hour anyway. As usual, my plan failed miserably.

I met macko at their apartment and we went off to Sky-bar to meet up with the three women, one of who was a lesbian and the other which had a nickname which translates to ”crowbar” so she will henceforth be referred to as such.

Kia had said that she wanted me to meet Crowbar because she was a bit special...or odd...I don’t know, I guess she thought we’d hit it off since I’m a bit odd myself. She was...nice...blond...but didn’t really ring my bell. Well, anyway, Sky was half empty with mostly hotel guests as patrons. We chatted for a while and decided we’d head over to Gigglin’ Marlin (sidenote: it bugs me beyond belief that Finns refer to the place as ”Kikkelin”).

At the time of arrival (roughly 11:30 PM local time) the place was pretty much empty. After about an hour there is a total of 20 women and roughly the same amount of guys. After the women talked us into a spin on the dancefloor they call it a night (or so I assume). Macko also heads home as he is going to work the next day. At this point I had gotten my eye on a blond chick and her friend so I decide to stay behind.

I order another cola and hang by the bar. Then I notice a...hmm...an ”acquaintance” who waves me over, so i go talk to her and her friend; a thin red head who looks a bit like Angelina Jolie without the boobs. We chat for a while and then the chick I know and her male companion decide to leave. Me and the red head stay behind and talk about random things.

After a while we notice that the place is pretty empty so we decide to go to Hullu Pullo (Crazy Bottle-Bar). That place is pretty full and there are plenty of good looking chicks as well. The music isn’t bad either, probably because that indian-looking dude wasn’t working the dj-booth.

It was very interesting at that place. Eye contact established with a handful of chicks, one of the chicks from Gigglin’ gave me an opening ( I think) but at that time the red head I had just met was flirting with me so I decided to play that hand instead. There was also an interesting incident where two older women started eyeing me, came over, walked around and checked out my ass and said: ”not bad, not bad” in Finnish. Another oldie tried flirting with me but hey, she was old...Luckily she didn’t come over and grope me.
As the night drew to an end I realised that my plan of going to bed at a reasonable hour had failed miserably. I convinced the red head that I could give her a ride home (I say convinced because it is getting increasingly difficult to make people believe I’m stone cold sober). So today, I’m pretty darn tired with not much sleep and ”looking forward” to going to the gym later on. But it was fun and I don’t regret it for a minute.

I'm thinking of stripping

There is a ”local” web page (I say local because it is about the nightlife and events in Vaasa…but can anything be local on the internet?) that has this ”girl of the month”-section..You know, where skimpily clad girls pose seductively, that sort of thing. Well, there has been requests from the female public (I suppose) that there would also be a ”guy of the month”, for equality’s sake. The problem is that there are few willing volunteers because apparently Finnish guys are deathly afraid of being perceived as a gay-pretty-boy or something. I, on the other hand, am considering it actually.

I could say that I would do it for laughs, as a joke or that I think it would be an interesting experience. I would also be lying through my teeth. The real reason I’d do it is because I’m a shallow, exhibitionistic SOB and I’d hope that it would help me pick up chicks. Actually, I’d hope that the chicks would come to *me* so I wouldn’t have to work as hard. I’m also very lazy by the way.

So why wouldn’t I do it?
Well, I am not exactly sure I’m enough of a ”pretty boy” for something like that. Would people really want to look at my ugly mug in that context? I also don’t think I am in good enough shape to do it…yet. I would like to be a bit…”tighter” first. However, I know exactly how to remedy that.

Then there is the fact that I’m pale as a ghost, but that would be taken care of with one of those spray tans my sister introduced me to a year ago.

The third reason NOT to do it is that people would think I’m ridiculous and silly or arrogant. The fourth reason is related to the third, being that guys would think I think I’m ”all that” and try to beat me up.

The third reason isn’t really that bad because I have a feeling I already come accross as somewhat of a nutter anyway, and I’m okay with that. Water off my back really.

I’ll give it some thought over a few days.
All hail superficiality.

Graduation day

So yesterday was graduation day for a lot of people, but not me. Me and martin had decided we would go to Fontana and check out the fresh graduates. Boy o boy were there women there. But before we went I went over to martins new crib and checked it out. It was quite nice albeit a bit empty right now. It will soon become the temple of the physical manifestation of love...hopefully.

So we head over to Fontana quite early. We get there around 11 and there is already a bit of a line but we get in within five minutes. It is still pretty slow but things pick up quite rapidly. I meet my ex girlfriend's ex-colleague's ex-girlfriend (try figuring that one out) as well as a finnish chick I had a half-fling with a few years back. I notice that it is not as difficult speaking Finnish as it usually is...or has been...Which means I don't have to think as much before replying.

Anyway, after a while we head out on the killing floor and shake it up a bit. It is right about then I catch the eye of a blond chick who three seconds later attacks me. Turns out she is from the southern part of Finland, right about where my mother was born so that was pretty funny.
Me and martin go off somewhere because I find it too early to concentrate on one girl.

I must say I had quite a few things going on last night with a number of chicks. I counted at least four. Well back to that blond chick.

We meet up later again and martin is unfortunately left on his own while I ...umm... communicate with the blond. I can only hope that he got something out of it. I remember when I went out on my own it really forced me to be more social.

As me and the blond are talking she mentions that she comes from Borgå so naturally I assume that she is in town just visiting. Turns out she lives with her ex boyfriend but is moving out in a month. Aaanyway, long story short, it turns out we are neighbours. She lives in the house accross the street from my house. How weird is that?

As the night progresses she goes on about how she has just recently broken up and her byfriend is constantly checking up on her etc etc just being a controlling a-hole and stuff. As she is pretty drunk I decide to take it upon me to see to it that she gets home safely. She is somewhat hesitant to get in my car because obviously I must be drunk *rolls eyes*.

Well, she did get home safely. I watched her from my balcony as she entered the building.

In other news, I also met my ex girlfriend's little sister who is only 17 who had gotten in at Fontana.

Next week there is my sister's party. So let's hope it will be a good one.