Saw that gay guy who hit on me again

I was in town doing a bit of shopping yesterday. I was looking at some cd's (Thin Lizzy's Thunder and Lightning) when I notice a guy looking oddly familiar. After a while I remembered; it was that gay dude who hit on me a few weeks back in the club. I quickly removed myself from that store. I hope he didn't see me. It could have been an awkward situation there.

I went out again yesterday. I am single these days so I can do whatever the f**k I want. It is sort of liberating in a way but breaking up is a real bitch to do. I don't think I want to do that again. If I have to do it again I might decide to fake my own death or something. That would probably be easier. I saw my ex yesterday as well. She seemed to be doing okay, which is a good thing. A while there I was a bit afraid she might "off herself" or something.

I do feel that my "game" is not up to the same standards as it used to be two years ago...actually over two years ago. I am a bit rusty but I am sure I'll be able to sort that out. I just have to find my groove again, my mojo.

Odds of getting a one night stand

A few years back I was under the false impression that most chicks in night clubs had boyfriends. I was aware that some people have had one night stands but it was something like the snow man or the Loch Ness monster; something people said to have witnessed or experienced but no one knew for sure they existed...or something like that.

But that was a while ago and since then I have come to other conclusions mostly because of my own experiences but also because of what I have witnessed. I know know better.

The odds of hooking up on *any* given night are pretty good, provided that a fair amount of people are in the club. If it is the day before Christmas eve your odds are significantly lower because there is a very good chance that the only one in the club will be you, a couple of bartenders and the bouncers and unless you are up for a hot night with Bubba the door man you are better off staying at home.

But lets assume that it is an average night at the club. That means maybe 200-300 chicks. Now, all of those are not going to be up for a one nighter. Some of them have boyfriends, some are actually faithful, some are lesbians (that is my excuse whenever I don't succeed) and some are just plain prude. However, odds are there is still a good amount of women there who are willing.

Then you must deduct a certain amount that find you ugly or whatever but you still end up with maybe 10-20 chicks who *might* be interested. Think about it for a while. 10 chicks out there who are willing to ride you like a stallion until dawn...or until she passes out in the bathroom.

You are not going to spot everyone of those 10-20 chicks but if you train your eye you may spot 3-5 of those chicks. And that is *every night*. So getting a one night stand is easy. It is like shooting fish in a barrel. Hell, it's probably easier! It's like...stealing fish from a child!...Is that the way that saying goes?

However!!!!.... Those 3-5 chicks you spot..Usually they are not 10's or 9's. If you are average looking like the most of us poor bastards, odds are those 3-5 you DO spot are in the 6-7 range..if you are lucky.

So getting a one nighter is easy. It is finding *attractive* one nighters that is the real challenge.

Happy clubbing.

Fix your place so the chicks won't throw up

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...well, not really, it was in a club actually.
It was a few years back. I had been out partying the night before so I had no intentions of going out again. But my class had this christmas party so I just had to go. As the evenening turned into night someone thought of the idea to go out clubbing. So I said: yeah why not? and went along with it.

At the club I met this stunning blond chick. To make a long story short she came home with me. Of course since I wasn't really planning on going out and therefore hadn't planned on taking a girl home I hadn't cleaned my apartment either. The place was a real s**thole.

There was mail I hadn't bothered putting aside right as you came in. And now I am not talking about a magazine or one or two letters, I'm talking about a pile of junkmail. I hadn't made the bed, there where magazines lying around everywhere. You know how when you whack it you need something to clean it up with? Well, me, I use toilet paper. The best part was that I hadn't cleaned that up either.

I did score that night so you may argue that these things are not important but after that night I devised a plan not to be put in the same situation ever again. Here are some things you can do before going out.

1. Tidy your apartment. I don't mean you have to scrub the floors or anything like that. You just tidy up a bit. Make stacks of your magazines, put the junk mail in the garbage, hang clothes in the closet (or hide it in the big cardboard box you have). Throw away the paper you use for "cleanup". Make the bed and if you are able-make sure you have clean sheets and fresh pillows (I know I sometimes drool on mine).

2. Make sure there are no disgusting odours in the apartment. That means no rotting food on plates you haven't bothered washing. It also means you need to clean the bathroom.

3. Clean the bathroom. Women find this important for some reason. At the very least make sure there are no chunks of s**t in the toilet floating about or any extra stuck to the inner sides (or outer as well for that matter) of the bowl. It doesn't hurt to give your toilet a good "once over". It probably needs it anyway.

4. Make sure you have condoms in the house. Not just one but at the very least two or three. You may want to do it again in the morning ;)

5. Buy something to eat. When you get home from the club you may want to offer something to eat and/or drink. It's a good idea to have something other than water and moldy bread. In the morning she may want breakfast or something. Why not get some tea, juice, milk, maybe some fruit (grapes or strawberries are excellent), cereal, bread...that sort of stuff.

Happy hunting

Fat strippers

A few weeks ago I was at a local club...again and witnessed the most disgusting thing I have ever seen, apart from the time I saw a fat chick bicykling and her arm fat wobbled. Anyway, this is in the same league.

So me and my good friend, who shall remain nameless but is in the cabbage industry ;), were on the dance floor. There are two platform-thingies near the dance floor where you usually see either
a) very drunk girls/guys dancing
b) sober/lightly intoxicated chicks who are looking for attention (attention whores)
c) people who actually know how to dance
d) hired dancers

This time, however, there were two chicks there. I guess they could fit into the 'b' category because they started taking their clothes off. They had on these short skirts made from plastic or something. They stripped until they were in their underwear.

Usually I am all for spontaneous stripping, except if it is guys doing it, but in this case I was simply disgusted. The two chicks were the two fattest chicks in the club. I'm talking "she is so fat her belt size is equator" or "after I had sex with her I rolled over...and was *still* on her" fat. They had bits that were jiggling that are NOT suppose to jiggle! That is NOT cool!

And what is up with fat chicks wearing tight clothes and those shirts that show their belly or something? That shit is just gross. If you are going to wear revealing clothes make sure you have something to reveal...other than fat that is.

So now you are probably thinking "man this dude is shallow!". Well, maybe I am. But that doesn' t make fat attractive.

Hit on by a gay guy

So last night me and my friends went to a local night club. It is one of the most popular clubs in town and is frequented by mostly people in their early twenties and late teens. I am 25 years old myself so I am still not too old to go there. If I am still there when I hit 45 I'll probably start thinking about going someplace else. Either that or get a lobotomy.

We arrived at the venue quite late, probably around 2AM. Usually you'd want to get there a bit earlier so you can be there for a few hours before finally calling it a night and going home to lady palm and her five daughters or , if you have "game", to some lady who will probably be a lot less attractive in the morning than she was in the wee hours of the morning. In my case it is either, as I have a girlfriend so the only woman I will be going home to is her and occasionally my mother but I am quite reluctant to do the ..."stuff" I do with my girlfriend with my mother.

Tonight though my girlfriend had gone to visit her sister and was not there with me. As the evening drew to a close I was standing next to the dancefloor watching people dancing as Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi was playing. On a platform close by a very attractive girl was dancing all by herself in the flickering light and smoke. I notice a guy making his way towards me and I automatically assume he was going to say something about the girl dancing solitaire up there, which he does.

"Why don't you ask her to dance with you?" he asks. I laugh and tell him I already have a girlfriend but there is no harm in looking. He agrees and proceeds to ask me how old I am, where I am from and other insignificant stuff. By that time I figured it was just a normal drunk guy passing time before he would finally admit that yet another attempt to score had failed and go home.

The next thing out of his mouth came somewhat of a surprise. "You know, I am gay and I think you are quite hot". At first I thought I had heard wrong but he repeated what he just said and added: " so I think I'll come on to you now".

"But I have a girlfriend...and I am not gay" I explained. He smiled and said: "Well, that doesn't bother me really". He eventually gave up his attempts at picking me up, gave me a kiss on the cheek and went off into the night.

I must say I was not at all offended in any way. I mean, hey, it's good that at least someone finds me attractive and/or interesting looking. Beats looking like a drug dealer, which I also have been mistaken for once.

And we did have a quite interesting conversation about Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.