I had a dream

I had a dream last night.
Me and my buddies were having our annual midsummer party vacation to Åland. Oddly enough the camping place we usually stay at had been moved to an intersection about ten minutes away from where I live, just across the bridge. So technically I guess we were in Vasa…well, anyhoo…

We were partying as usual, just being our crazy-ass selves. The next morning I got up and asked my brother if he wanted breakfast. No reply. I went over to his room… this is where it gets really weird because we lived in a mobile home, one of those camper thingies and everyone who has ever been in one knows that the idea of separate rooms is ridiculous…well, he wasn’t in his room. So I started running around to every room, checking if he was there asleep. My brother was nowhere to be found. I did find Martin passed out under the staircase though.

Me and martin decided to have breakfast with a couple of Swedes who lived in a tent near the entrance gates to Vaasan Sähkö (local power plant). There was a blond fat chick, a brunette fat chick and two weirdos. We actually met those last summer. Well, me and martin ate their sausages…NO! Not THOSE sausages…regular fried sausage! Geez, you and your dirty imagination. Wipe that stupid grin off your face! Let’s get back to the story…

So it was now afternoon-early evening. All the others had shown up by now, including my mother and my uncle, my friend Marcus’ grandparents and his mother and some other people I have never seen before. We sat down at the gigantic table (it was probably 10 metres long) and started serving the food someone had prepared. Right about that time we hear a crashing sound and see my brother coming out of some bushes nearby, soaking wet with a huge grin on his face. Everyone stares, especially our mother.

- “Where the fuck have you been, dude?” exclaims Martin, still being a bit drunk from the previous night.
There is a crazy gleam of excitement in my brother’s eyes as he draws for a breath. His grin becomes wider. Then he yells out:
- “Oh man what a night! I met this chick and went home with her and f**ked her brains out!…Okay so she f**ked MY brains out…Sorry for the yelling by the way. I can’t hear a thing, damn tinnitus, must have been the music last night”
By now I look over and see my mom sitting with her mouth gaping and her eyes as big as sauce pans.
- “But why are you soaking wet?” I ask hesitantly.
- “ Well, I had to jump in a hotel pool to wash the pu**y smell off of me”, my brother laughs. “Damn that s**t has a nasty smell!”
My mother’s head explodes.

Okay so the last line didn’t happen but it was darn close.

In other non related news; I discovered that you can massage your farts out by rubbing your belly in a similar motion to gneading dough. Start about two inches above your belly button and press downwards. Very useful if you have “trapped” farts.